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Love by spittfire26 Love :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 4 3 Island Paradice by spittfire26 Island Paradice :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 2 0 Vixen and Pandy by spittfire26 Vixen and Pandy :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 2 0 A Mother's Love by spittfire26 A Mother's Love :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 3 5 Birthday Kit by spittfire26
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Hulk Out Kit by spittfire26 Hulk Out Kit :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 4 5 Guard Kid by spittfire26 Guard Kid :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 0 0 Many Faces by spittfire26 Many Faces :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 2 2 Snowmen by spittfire26 Snowmen :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 1 0 Lady blue by spittfire26 Lady blue :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 2 0 Lady by spittfire26 Lady :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 1 11 28 weeks 1 day by spittfire26 28 weeks 1 day :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 0 8 Native Canvas by spittfire26 Native Canvas :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 1 0 Peter Pan Canvas by spittfire26 Peter Pan Canvas :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 4 4 The Centers Meet by spittfire26 The Centers Meet :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 0 0 The Beginning by spittfire26 The Beginning :iconspittfire26:spittfire26 0 0

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Allison in Wig... by itsmyccrets
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Allison in Wig... :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 16 1
Allison... by itsmyccrets
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Allison... :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 6 0
Candace 1 and 2 by itsmyccrets Candace 1 and 2 :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 11 5 Candace being Candace by itsmyccrets Candace being Candace :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 11 2 Solar wind by fly10
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Solar wind :iconfly10:fly10 1,424 204
A good foundation by Embrace-Fate A good foundation :iconembrace-fate:Embrace-Fate 2 2 Mysterious Klaudia!!! by itsmyccrets
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Mysterious Klaudia!!! :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 16 4
read in my eyes by ryky read in my eyes :iconryky:ryky 1,826 64 Beast eye by ryky Beast eye :iconryky:ryky 2,486 91 EYES NEVER LIE by ryky EYES NEVER LIE :iconryky:ryky 5,839 292 Without You... by itsmyccrets
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Without You... :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 15 0
Follow Me... by itsmyccrets
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Follow Me... :iconitsmyccrets:itsmyccrets 12 11
Alice in forest by BloodAlice Alice in forest :iconbloodalice:BloodAlice 35 10 Untitled by Telemaniakk Untitled :icontelemaniakk:Telemaniakk 640 24

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If you've been following my journals, then you know that I've been through a lot over the past couple of years. I got engaged, got pregnant, lost my job, got married, had my son early, almost lost my and my son's lives, got phlebotomy certified, fought for a relationship most sane people would've given up on long before I did, and eventually finally left T. I've suffered some serious depression, post-partum depression and post traumatic stress disorder... what made me finally decide to leave was honestly the last thing I ever thought I would leave for... I should have left 2 weeks prior.

The night before I left, I had sent T to the store for formula... He decided that it was more important for him to stop in the sex store than to bring formula directly home to his hungry son... THAT was my breaking point... 

Two weeks prior, however, was when I should have really left. I should have been done that very instant. I had such a stressful day that I finally looked to a good friend of mine and said "I want to...". That night I dabbled in something I really never had any interest to try before, but oh I enjoyed it this night! Well... for the most part. I had the uncontrollable urge to nod my head and I just could not stop dancing to the music in my head. lol It was fun! I handled it much better than any of us thought that I would, too, considering I have asthma. 

Anyways, my friend got me comfortable, fed and ALMOST to sleep before she decided to leave. Within seconds I was drooling on my pillow, I was so comfortable and relaxed. Unfortunately this wouldn't be a good memory for long... as "someone" had decided, in their sober state, it would be a good idea to take advantage of me. See... not only had I dabbled in something I'd NEVER done before, I had also started new anxiety medications that morning and had more than I should have to drink whilst the night carried on. I was under several influences and definitely outside of my ability to think for myself. I woke up just as "someone" was "finishing" inside of me... I had no choice in the matter. I literally woke up to someone enjoying themselves and finishing inside of me. 

What makes this situation hurt the most... is this person was and is very much aware of my history of sexual abuse... While I may have some off-the-wall fantasies, that would require EXTREME levels of trust (levels I never reached with them), now was not the time to go trying to exercise those fantasies... Not in the LEAST. I was not only asleep, I was under 4 separate influences- each of which heightened my body's response to the other all the more. I didn't move, moan, speak, etc. when he pushed himself on top of me. He literally had to shove my legs apart to get in between them... and then couldn't understand why I fumbled my way into the shower a short while after he had finished.... It's even more upsetting that he KNEW/KNOWS I don't want anymore kids, but sure let's just cum all up inside of me outside of my own free will. This person was also my husband.... I've dealt with several people who believe there's no such thing as rape in a marriage, however, they're all stupid. I should be able to trust my spouse with my LIFE... I should be able to trust that I won't be hurt or abused in such a vulnerable or incapacitated state... yet I was. "I'll NEVER do that to you! You deserve so much more! I can't believe he'd ever do that to you! I promise you I'm not like that! I could never hurt you like that!" ...... so much for that, hm? 

Who's to say what the future holds.... but I really hope that this is my last encounter with sexual violence/abuse. It sure has taken its tole on my mind, body and soul. 
  • Listening to: Television
  • Reading: Hide Away
  • Watching: Great Fairy Rescue
  • Playing: Words With Friends
  • Eating: Good Thins
  • Drinking: Cheerwine

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spittfire26's Profile Picture
spittfire26
Vixen
United States
"'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes " - No Doubt
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:iconitsmyccrets:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You Beautiful Ms Vixen!!!
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:iconspittfire26:
spittfire26 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2016
You're welcome. :)
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:iconitsmyccrets:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You Ms Vixen!!!
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:iconspittfire26:
spittfire26 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2016
You're welcome. You know I love your work. :) And I only favorite the things I REALLY like. 
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:iconitsmyccrets:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
You are just so very flattering...:blush:
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:iconspittfire26:
spittfire26 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
Only when I want to be... :) and I only want to be when it's deserved.
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:iconbipedialmammal:
bipedialmammal Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016  Professional Writer
Happy Birthday Jess! Furry Birthday Hello Lily Wishing a Happy Birthday Happy Birthday, Capt'n Happy Birthday Cupcake Happy Birthday (2) mac_party 
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:iconspittfire26:
spittfire26 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016
Dawwwwe Thank you so much C!!! I appreciate it to the moon and back. <3 
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:iconbipedialmammal:
bipedialmammal Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016  Professional Writer
:D Every year!
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:iconembrace-fate:
Embrace-Fate Featured By Owner May 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Good to see you 'resurrected' your profile
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